Stuck with the task of commemorating the annual milestone of someone's relentless march towards senility? Grab our “Congrats, You're Old As Fu%k” Birthday Card and have a laugh about our inevitable decay. They're at that age where counting candles is a fire hazard, so why bother?

This card, measuring the standard judgmental A2 size (4.25 x 5.5 inches when folded), is crafted from cardstock so thick it feels like you’re handing them a tombstone plaque.

Inside, there’s a blank expanse as empty as your platitudes, ready for you to scrawl something vaguely personal.

Whether it's a "significant" birthday or just another tally on the prison wall of life, this card is your perfect accomplice.

Pick up our "Congrats, You're Old As Fu*k" card, because nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a paper reminder that time is a cruel thief.

This A2-sized card (4.25 x 5.5 inches folded) is printed on premium 16pt thick cardstock with a matte finish, ensuring that it looks and feels high-quality.